Author Topic: Joke topic  (Read 5408 times)

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Offline Sarnek

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Joke topic
« on: February 14, 2011, 07:04:04 PM »
Mod Comment: If someone finds fault with a joke, hit the report button below it, but do not debate it here. - Gavin



Why there wasn't a "Joke topic?"

I start:
Quote
A policeman to another one:
-"Have you checked the arrow's car?"
-"Why? Don't we use pistols?"
« Last Edit: October 23, 2014, 09:11:00 PM by SCGavin »


Offline Zoltanus

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Re: Joke topic
« Reply #1 on: February 14, 2011, 09:05:19 PM »
Well we do already have fun topic what why not. :O

There's 1 redhead 1 brunette and 1 blonde. Their all at the NASA space center. The redhead says to the flight technician "I want to go to the moon". The flight technician says she can go tomorrow. The brunette says "I want to go to Mars". He says she can go next week. The blonde says "I want to go to the sun". The flight technician says, "Don't you know you'll burn up?" The blonde says "Well then I'll go at night."

Spoiler
fast copy joke so I not spamming  :))

"Cutlass": i hope to be pissed titfaced or wankerd

Offline Razer

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Re: Joke topic
« Reply #2 on: February 14, 2011, 09:15:20 PM »
Spoiler
I'm a nub!

Offline Demonhun

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Re: Joke topic
« Reply #3 on: February 14, 2011, 09:33:22 PM »
Blondes will be blondes XD

Offline Alexander

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Re: Joke topic
« Reply #4 on: February 14, 2011, 09:34:38 PM »
I generally find that puns about mono-rails make for good one-liners.

Offline Sarnek

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Re: Joke topic
« Reply #5 on: February 20, 2011, 11:04:00 AM »
- Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
- Madam.
- Madam who?
- My damn foot is caught in the door!
 
:iswydt:


Offline Sarnek

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Re: Joke topic
« Reply #6 on: February 24, 2011, 04:19:40 PM »
Two men were hunting in the woods when, all of a sudden, one man had a heart attack. The other called 911. Someone answered, and he said, "You've gotta come help me. The guy I was hunting with had a heart attack."
The person said, "Well, you've gotta make sure that he is dead."
So the hunter said, "Okay." Then he left the phone, there was a long pause, then a gun shot.
The hunter got back on the phone and said "Okay, now what?"


Offline TheBard

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Re: Joke topic
« Reply #7 on: March 11, 2011, 10:20:15 AM »
Two men were hunting in the woods when, all of a sudden, one man had a heart attack. The other called 911. Someone answered, and he said, "You've gotta come help me. The guy I was hunting with had a heart attack."
The person said, "Well, you've gotta make sure that he is dead."
So the hunter said, "Okay." Then he left the phone, there was a long pause, then a gun shot.
The hunter got back on the phone and said "Okay, now what?"
That one is just great... :D
  • TheBard
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Quote from: TheBard
Quote from: Folms.
I swear he is only 18?  O_o
Drinking beer and wine is legal in Germany by the age of 16.
Drinking liquor is legal by the age of 18, same goes for tobacco products. Cigarettes used to be legal by the age of 16.
I've got no words to describe this moment  :o
Quote
bard: so sick of it. I'll kill my sister at some point.
[IG] Kekn: you love her still
[IG] Kekn: how cute
bard: if any guy would do harm to my sister
bard: I'll make him pay and beat the shit out of him.

Offline Sarnek

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Re: Joke topic
« Reply #8 on: March 13, 2011, 02:27:55 PM »
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away." "I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.


Offline Crayon

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Re: Joke topic
« Reply #9 on: June 07, 2011, 10:31:22 AM »
Did you hear about the well balanced Scotsman?


He had a chip on both shoulders.
« Last Edit: June 07, 2011, 05:16:20 PM by Crayon »
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Offline Beardface

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Re: Joke topic
« Reply #10 on: June 07, 2011, 10:54:51 AM »
Gaving  :))

Offline Chikun

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Re: Joke topic
« Reply #11 on: June 07, 2011, 01:08:00 PM »

Offline Sarnek

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Re: Joke topic
« Reply #12 on: July 07, 2011, 09:47:56 AM »
Some good black humor  :))

Quote
One man enters in an ambulant and says to the doctor:
- Help me, please. I have a knife in my back.
The doctor, looking his watch says:
- Now is 2:20 PM, and I work till 2, so as you can imagine I've finished for today, and I can’t help you. Be so kind and come tomorrow morning, at 8.
- But tomorrow morning I will be dead. You must help me now.
The doctor, angrily says:
- I explained to you gently that I've finished my shift for today, and that I can't do nothing for you. You must pass here tomorrow.
- But, until tomorrow I will lose all my blood, and I will be dead. Don’t you see that I have a knife in the back.
The doctor, already very angry and irritate extracts the knife from the back, and put it in the patients’ eye.
- Now you can go to ophthalmologist, he works till 3 PM.

Quote
An old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when–all of a sudden–a fairy godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.

“Well, now,” says the old lady, “I guess I would like to be really rich.”

** POOF *** her rocking chair turns to solid gold.

“And, gee, I guess I wouldn’t mind being a young, beautiful princess.”

*** POOF *** she turns into a beautiful young woman.

“Your third wish?” asked the fairy godmother.

Just then the old woman’s cat wanders across the porch in front of them.

“Ooh–can you change him into a handsome prince?” she asks.

*** POOF *** there before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine.

She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch in his catlike way and whispers in her ear, “Bet you’re sorry you had me neutered, aren’t you?”

Quote
A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: “This bull mated 50 times last year.” The wife turns to her husband and says, “He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him.”

They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: “This bull mated 65 times last year.” The wife turns to her husband and says, “This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also.”

They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: “This bull mated 365 times last year.” The wife’s mouth drops open and says, “WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one.”

The man turns to his wife and says, “Go up and see if it was 365 times with the same cow.”


Offline Tajulek

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Re: Joke topic
« Reply #13 on: May 17, 2012, 09:45:52 PM »
-What are the proofs, that Chuck Norris has been to Mars?

-There's no any sign of life.

Offline Tallie

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Re: Joke topic
« Reply #14 on: June 23, 2012, 09:02:46 PM »
Spoiler
I'm a nub!
Thats true Razer ;:)